Apologies are in order

ok my fault....work has just been so overwhelming...in a time where people are losing jobs all around me I'm still grateful to have one, especially one that is moving me from one state to the next. Yup, I got a promotion(in the middle of a recession) and I'm moving to Boston...wow...I'm such a city girl...Boston is going to be a huge change for me...but I'm fearless in situations like that...I'm leaving NY on Feb 15....leaving my F4D and my Q.T...... I'm gonna need this blog now more than ever....

thoughts

Is it possible for the the heart to admit to what the mind refuses to divulge?To hold onto something or someone long after the situation has already proved itself to be hazardous to your being. to want so badly to attain something that is unattainable. It's the fight my heart has been having with my head for the past two days. I can't leave. No matter how much I know it isn't healthy for me, I can't do it and it hurts like hell. I can't even fathom the idea of so easily giving up on four years of my life though I anticipate the next four years to carry on with us being in the same situation, God-forbid if I slip up and bring a child into this mess. He's still being distant and I must admit I'm getting stronger I haven't called and I've been giving him one-worded replies when he texts me. I guess he can sense somthing is bothering me. I would hope he knows me well enough to know whats going on after all, we are both Taureses. Other than that, a pretty un-eventful day. although, I feel like a silly teenage girl, because I can't seem to put down that damn book, "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer.

This blogging thing is supposed to be therapuetic and it's not helping as much because I'm not opening up as much as I should. In order for the process of healing to begin it would mean me totally baring my soul, and I'm having a hard time doing that beacause in order to be completely honest with you guys, it would mean me being completely honest with myself, and that's the part I fear the most....

Q.T.

it's our fourth new year together....still no official title tho...He did text me for the new year and I haven't heard anything from him since and surprisinly I have'nt contacted him either.I'm having another one of those moments, you know the one where I really don't feel like dealing with the bullshit. I know it was the thought that count but after the christmas present fiasco, I can't help but think that after three years, this dude really does not know me at all...for three years I've been trying to create something from nothing smart enough to understand my situation yet dumb enough to embrace it, I guess I'm a glutten for punishment

Rolling out the welcome mat...

It's over! Whew....what a year. I'm so rude...Welcome...if your here then you know me and I don't have to do much of a introduction because you already know that I am a piece of work and you're in for quite a ride..lol. So this was one of the things I wanted to do in 2009, start blogging. I figure the things that are said on here will be great material for the second book. Like I said hold on tight because I am a complicated species...anywhoo....it was quite a 2008. I think I experienced a little bit of everything last year...I have been anticipating 2009 and all the changes I promised myself I would make, yet I Find myself, barely 12 hours into 2009 slipping back into old ways...I must stay away from "mighty mouse" two phone calls and two text messages into the 2009 me and I'm considering his under-the-table-tongue-in-cheek-not-so-in-your-face-offer.....I will not break...goodnite