thoughts

Is it possible for the the heart to admit to what the mind refuses to divulge?To hold onto something or someone long after the situation has already proved itself to be hazardous to your being. to want so badly to attain something that is unattainable. It's the fight my heart has been having with my head for the past two days. I can't leave. No matter how much I know it isn't healthy for me, I can't do it and it hurts like hell. I can't even fathom the idea of so easily giving up on four years of my life though I anticipate the next four years to carry on with us being in the same situation, God-forbid if I slip up and bring a child into this mess. He's still being distant and I must admit I'm getting stronger I haven't called and I've been giving him one-worded replies when he texts me. I guess he can sense somthing is bothering me. I would hope he knows me well enough to know whats going on after all, we are both Taureses. Other than that, a pretty un-eventful day. although, I feel like a silly teenage girl, because I can't seem to put down that damn book, "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer.

This blogging thing is supposed to be therapuetic and it's not helping as much because I'm not opening up as much as I should. In order for the process of healing to begin it would mean me totally baring my soul, and I'm having a hard time doing that beacause in order to be completely honest with you guys, it would mean me being completely honest with myself, and that's the part I fear the most....